NDF Quote Archive - Random Quotes

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6 votes

8.7/10

xjt22

nah i kept fucking lmfao cuz i was high so i just ended up telling her, she was pissed but she gave in and took the cock =D

Quote: #54

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2 votes

8.5/10

mistero della mente	pokemon heartgold l9/10
BNet	Pokemon Soul Silver: 9.7/10 Pokemon Heart Gold: 6.5/10
punisher2	whotttttttttttttttt
mistero della mente	HeartGold has Growlithe/Arcanine so that already makes HeartGold higher rated.
BNet	Soul silver was just... so well-made.. genius. Heart gold was surprisingly very disappointing.
mistero della mente	you've actually played both of them?
L9	I thought Soul Silver's story was totally lacking, while Heart Gold's was breathtaking beyond words. Don't know what you're talking about, NM.
BNet	L9 you're a fucking idiot if you honestly believe that. Are you sure you didnt' mix them up?
punisher2	the stories are different??? clue me in fellows. never knew this.

Quote: #16

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3 votes

6.3/10

magikarp	I'll show you a 37 year old italian pedophile you fucking asshole, i swear to god i will fuck you in ur ass so hard it'll come out ur dick hole, enjoy.
nizzarf	you would want to do that you 10 year old girl. you should find something better to do with your life.
magikarp	ur a 10 year old girl? shit i usually do 8 year old girls, i'm steppin up in the world.
atresac	more like your forum was left 4 dead

Quote: #204

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4 votes

8.8/10

ENZO	She's Out of My League I want to fuck the main girl/10
Past	shes out of your league

Quote: #27

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6 votes

9/10

mistero della mente	losing my apostraphe key is really annoying.
punisher2	itd be funny if you lost the period button
mistero della mente	id use commas for fullstops then, see easy,
punisher2	what if all your punctuation marks were robbed
mistero della mente	whos gonna steal my punctuation????
punisher2	a fella who likes run on sentences?

Quote: #133

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1 vote

9/10

BNet	"Metapod" is metapod for "yes"

Quote: #138

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6 votes

9.2/10

Punisher2	u guys should be lost on and island together it'd be interesting to see who would kill who first.
mistero della mente	i think with the lack of interesting women we would all turn gay
Punisher2	i'd fuck a tree before going that way

Quote: #176

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4 votes

7/10

mistero della mente	o. sac you can have my computer it just needs a new hard drive
atresac	I'm getting a new one soon and it's going to KILL EVERYTHING.
mistero della mente	get a mac i heard they have heat seaking virus busting capabilities super powered hot rod inducing no wires runs on self sustaining cool guy who wears cool clothes mac its supposed to be good

Quote: #43

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4 votes

6.8/10

L9	May I speak to the administator of this internet forum-board? My children browse this "board", and an extremely rude "user" by the name of "BNet" is rampantly tossing around profane words as if they meant nothing. This is very un-Christian and rather careless to boot! May I request that this "user" be banned permanently from this bulletin board web forum? Thank you and kind regards, Mr. Asher t-asher@aol.com
punisher2	yes we will ban bnet. TANK U COME AGAIN!
BNet (banned)	DAMN YOU, ASHER!! There will come a day!!

Quote: #88

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4 votes

8.5/10

ENZO	Speaking of annoying girls I convinced this one chick to give me the 8 gb iPod Nano (4th gen) that an ex boyfriend left at her house. Free ipod ftw <3
punisher2	lol i dont get the annoying part of the story maybe stupid but
ENZO	Nah, she's not annoying. I just wanted to segway into my story

Quote: #158

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2 votes

8.5/10

Punisher2	AN INTERESTING FACT! the last time ndf had a 100 reply post was April 22, 2009 and it was the fucking 1200 purple spam post. dry season?
BNet	yeh
Punisher2	damn.
mistero della mente	you know it happens a few times during a year. summer soon so
Punisher2	Im gonna call it the great depression

Quote: #37

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6 votes

9.3/10

amir25atw	Awesome story. Yesterday I went to taco bell and now my asshole hurts from shitting. You've heard that one before, right? But not like this. ----------------------------------- While at Taco Bell, I figured I take a spork for the basketball game. idk why. And then I was like "Oh, Hell, why not take two?" So I did. And sat down. Then I had the urge to take some more. So I did. And some more. It's like I couldn't stop taking sporks. I had 56 by the time I got done, (they're free so I guess technically it wouldn't be stealing but I don't know). So I walked out, with my pockets bulging with spork goodness, and walked all the way to the game. ~~See, normally, my spork fetish just consists of a couple sp~~ So I got to the game, and before I took out the sporks, some chick actually asked me if "anyone up there had a spork because she was eating taco bell Pun and xjt has heard me say whhhaaaaAAAATTTT?? before. Well I was like yyeeESSSSS!?!?! ~~Lol, the whole time my best friend (one of those nutcase marijuana buddies that are with you till the end I'm sure some people here know what I'm talking about) had a burrito with a mexican (I didn't capitalize mexican on purpose) face drawn on it, with a wide open mouth and a BNer mustache. It also had a turban on him made out of the wrapper. We named him Buelo Rodriguez.~~ So. I gave her a spork. Everyone had a good laugh. But I felt like THE MAN! Here is a par~~THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!~~agraph to commemorate Mo. Alright so unwrapped all 56 sporks (this takes a fucking lifetime)and then shouted at the top of my lungs during the National Anthem "FROM NOW ON LET'S ALL CALL OUR SPERM PENIS PULP!!!!!!" Just kidding. But you better believe I fucking unrapped every damn one. Then I gave them out to people and everyone started chewing on them. That's like 30 people chewing on sporks. MEANWHILE, the star player on the other teams last name was Kyle Wehner. WEHNER It was even tattoo'd on his arm. Lol everytime they took him out some loudmouth would ALWAYS scream "HAHHAHAHA LOOK THEY PULLED WEINER OUT HAHA WHEN ARE THEY GONNA THRUST HIM BACK IN??!!?!?!" That guy didn't shut the fuck up the ENTIRE FUCKING GAME. Actually, everyone ended up screaming "HAHA ITS WEINER LAWL!!!" Anywaysssss we all chewed the fuck out of the sporks. But I accidentally swallowed a punch of pointy plastic. "a bunch of pointy plastic" "swollowed a shitload of sharp plastic" And I mean a fucking bunch. So as you see, time came later on 30 minutes ago to shit yesterdays eaten food out. Well, yesterdays eaten food contained: Hot Fries, Lettuce, Tomato, Cheerios, and....oh yea A SHITLOAD OF PLASTIC KILLING SPIKES. And long story long, it made my most recent shit a living hell. I hope the burning in my ass stops soon. And that the swelling goes down. And the bleeding stops. And that the scars heal.
L9	What in the hell.
BNet	I really do enjoy your stories. When that chick asked it anyone had a spork though you should have been like RAI!!!!!!!!!!!! and thrown all 50 sporks at her face at once
amir25atw	LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
amir25atw	lmfao that woulda been fukking hilarious i just stopped laughing at that

Quote: #70

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3 votes

7/10

Grass	yo whats up
ENZO	Why haven't you drowned yourself yet

Quote: #159

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3 votes

7/10

BNet	someone get a magic number in this post so i can see if it worked
BNet	hint: it's 45
L9	Can you give us another hint

Quote: #231

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6 votes

5.8/10

Unknown 1337	Sac Why are you so angry
atresac	well, since you asked
Yellow Jr.	No answer
atresac	oh look, it's yellow here to explain things.

Quote: #8

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7 votes

8.1/10

BNet	Fuck you for being so dead. Fuck you for being so dead.
ENZO	you're not talking to Michael Jackson, are you?
Russo	^nice one

Quote: #9

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5 votes

7/10

Announcement

This is a little long, but bear with me. ;P

--

For a while now I have been working something called the NDF Quote Archive.

If you've ever visited bash.org before, you know what a quote database is. If not, it is essentially this: an archive of funny, interesting, or overall notable "quotes" from AIM conversations, forums, IRC (internet relay chat), etc. etc.

I decided to make a quote database for this forum. You can find it here:

Here's how you submit quotes. First, click the "Submit a Quote" link. In the input field labeled "Post #", type in any valid post number (ex. 89577, 90740).

From here, click the or - buttons to add or remove reply boxes. Once you have enough, simply type the number of the reply you want quoted in the input field labeled "Reply #", and hit "Load".

The message and its author will automatically come up in the large box on the right!

You can type "0" in the Reply # field if you want to load the original post, i.e. the main message before all the replies. ;) This loads the title of the post as well.

Once that's out of the way, just hit "Submit" on the bottom. And that's it!

You can check out the various quotes that have been submitted on the "Random Quotes", "All Quotes", and "Filter Quotes" pages. All quotes can be rated on a 0 to 10 scale.

A more detailed description of the QDB and its functions is coming soon, and that will be written on the "About" page.

So if you ever find a conversation here especially amusing, funny, or COOL, go ahead and submit it to the QDB.

And if you have any questions, feel free to ask.

atresac

8/10

Quote: #166

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4 votes

7/10

magikarp	does the shut up karp bot work on posts?
Automated Shut up Karp Bot	shut up karp

Quote: #238

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� votes

-1/10

L9	two trains pull into a station one of them says to the other, "boy, have I had a long day" the other responds, "yeah, I'm WHEELY tired!"

Quote: #171

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3 votes

7/10

BNet	Contest results: 1st place by a long shot: DuelMonkeyX! Completed the run in about ... what, 25 minutes? 300 pts 2nd place: Liquidnine! The only other person to finish without giving up ;3 took a little over an hour! 100 pts Dishonorable mentions: Mistero, YOU UP-GIVER. DDL, YOU FUCKING SUCK!!!!!!! Corey, Where did you even go It was a tough temple ;3 hopefully you guys all had fun. It was a lot harder than the last contest that's for sure ;p
ENZO	Whats this about a contest?
atresac	try to keep up ezno. also: what contest.

Quote: #205

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3 votes

9/10

amir25atw	Going to tennessee be back friday Don't forget the annual Happy birthday Amir post!
L9	LMAO
Punisher2	LMAO
BNet	LMAO

Quote: #189

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� votes

/10

atresac

my submission for an assignment which requires a day in the life of a six year old

7:00 AM: Wake up.
7:02 AM: Get out of bed.
7:05 AM: 100 one-armed push-ups.
7:05:30 AM: Grab child-safe scissors.
7:07 AM: Kill deer and use pelt for today's clothes with scissors.
7:10 AM: Begin climb to the peak of Mt. Doomdeath.
7:30 AM: Confront ancient dragon who is the physical manifestation of evil.
7:32 AM: Slay dragon with scissors.
7:35 AM: Carve open dragon to recieve breakfast:
6 pancakes
13 waffles
1-gross egg and cheese omelette
2 pounds of bacon
18 sausage links
5 gallons sugar-free maple syrup
7:45 AM: Walk to River Styx.
7:55 AM: Find smooth river rock.
8:00 AM: Shave with river rock.
8:15 AM: Take Cerberus out for a walk.
8:30 AM: Return home.
8:50 AM: Bow before father.
9:00 AM: Finish bowing to father, ask for proper clothing.
9:15 AM: Finish clothing.
9:30 AM: Ride pet utahraptor Yoshi to work.
10:00 AM: Punch in for job at razorblade mines.
11:17 AM: Accident in mines results in co-worker becoming sliced to ribbons.
11:17:15 AM: Say "Razor? I barely know 'er!"
11:17:30 AM: Pat self on back for that one.
11:20 AM: Shave again.
1:00 PM: Lunch break:
13 Big Macs
1 Whopper Jr.
1 Diet Coke w/ 4 ice BIG MAC cubes
1:30 PM: Use toilet.
2:00 PM: 800 1-finger, one-legged pushups.
3:45 PM: Finish toilet.
4:00 PM: Nap time.
4:30 PM: Snack time:
1 pudding cup and 1 banana
Ballanced on top of entire acre of livestock. That is also the snack.
5:00 PM: Return home on motorcycle you built out of razorblades from the mine.
5:30 PM: After relaxing from work, use black-magic ritual to revive dragon.
5:40 PM: Slay dragon again.
6:00 PM: Dinner:
12 oz steak (rare)
7 oz garlic mashed potatoes
Corn
2 Biscuits
Gravy
Zebra
6:30 PM: Hannah Montanna.
7:00 PM: 500 tongue pullups.
7:15 PM: Shower in sulfuric acid.
7:30 PM: Brush teeth with chainsaw.
7:40 PM: Pray enemies get cancer.
7:45 PM: Get tucked in.
7:46 PM: Story time (Green Eggs and Ham).
7:50 PM: Lullaby (Fist-Magnet Face II: Electromagnetic Boogaloo)
8:00 PM: Sleep.
12:00 AM: Dream of killing father with bare hands.

Quote: #58

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5 votes

9.2/10

magikarp	Have you ever wished you could... Milk yourself
Amir25atw	Its called jacking off.

Quote: #21

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5 votes

8/10

D	Who has tumblr Who has tumblr
L9	Blogging is for losers!
D	Well really you can do anything with it. You can make your page a video site or a gallery but it's like a blog type thingy.
L9	So it's like MySpace, facebook, and twitter combined. Sounds gay! I bet you're gay!

Quote: #129

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4 votes

9.5/10

mistero della mente	my dad should be dead and he's not. kinda annoyed at that.
magikarp	Why should he be dead?
atresac	because he shot him in the head.
atresac	british dads are immortal.

Quote: #203

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5 votes

6/10

L9	You know what's nuts Percocet is a pretty potent little drug
Kazuya Mishima	It definitely has its... percs.
magikarp	Good lord.

Quote: #163

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3 votes

9.7/10

mistero della mente

if people could die from laughing to death that's a way you will never be able to kill anyone karp.

Quote: #218

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3 votes

6.7/10

Grecian	Today is Canada day so im going to a barbeque and i dont really want to go but i promised i would and everything is closed
atresac	what's a canada The Magic Number was 1; 11 points!

Quote: #174

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4 votes

9.3/10

Grecian	also if those are the starters in the pic there they look dumb as hell.
BNet	i'm not so upset about them :3
mistero della mente	why not
BNet	be..cause they're really not that bad?
mistero della mente	no, they just look atrociously atrocious. people were paid to make them and you could find fingerless chinese children stitching fake designer clothes together with their toes who draw better ideas then those

Quote: #112

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4 votes

9.3/10

atresac	chipotle mayo instead of the regular kind 10/10
grecian	9.5/10 Mayo will clog your arteries. Chipotle may is even worse.
Past	ya if your fat
grecian	Breaking news: Mayo is healthy if you are not fat.