|punisher2||we need to expand on our mexican culture
EVERYONE WHO IS FULL BEANER HERE SHOW NDFORUMS UR PAPERS!
|magikarp||I'm 1/2 mexican and 1/2 black.|
|mistero della mente||and 100% gay|
|Past||im telling you guys come to vegas|
|magikarp||Pun, if you want, we can both lose each other's virginitys to eachother.|
lets get drunk and forget what happened
|magikarp||I WAS KIDDING|
|Past||damn pun thats homo|
|Punisher2||nope bad timing|
|mistero della mente||hey guys!
i updated the mistero article on the wiki to include my history!
say nice things about me on it!
|Past||No matter how i update mine someone always comes and puts nigger.|
|Grecian||i actually have to cut the top off of one magnum and tape it to another magnum in order to get one to fit.
|Past||am i a bully|
|BNet||no, bullies have an impact on people|
|BNet||you're more like a loaf of bread|
|Yellow Jr.||i'm not gay but
there's something about sonics cum...
|Yellow Jr.||please respond|
|punisher2||Megan Fox Dropped From Third 'Transformers' Movie
well there goes half the viewers for that movie
|Grecian||yep im done. i didnt even see the second one. i just google images for pictures of sweaty megan fox and enjoyed them for 2 hours instead.|
|Grecian||and by 2 hours i really mean 5 and a half minutes.|
|Grecian||and by 5 and a half minutes i mean i finished up before i even finished typing her name, made a sandwich then fell asleep crying.|
|amir25atw||Karpppppp i gotta no when ur cominnnn
|Russo||I actually remember my dreams when I have a fever. Bizarre stuff...LIKE ERASERHEAD.|
|BNet||i barely know her head|
|Grecian||the story of how i am a massive dickhead fuck up
as i write this post on ndforums.com, ive been awake for nearly 24 hours. i am exhausted, tired, drunk as a fucking homeless crack head andmost of all exhausted.
my day started at 5am on the 14th. i had the day of school and plans in the evening so of course i get called in for a fucking 12 hour shift. i wake up, get a shower and go to work. its a long day and all i can wait to do is drink beer and play xbox with my friends. so i get home from work, 12 and a half hours after 6am and order some food to eat. i eat it, its pretty delicious so i cant complain.
and then my ride shows up, i get in the car and we start talking. i am in a bad mood, so naturally i yell quite a bit and make fun of the driver, because thats just what happens. we get to the liquor store -- we go to the big one because the small one in our small shitty town wont do -- and we get our liquor. i buy 12 delicious canadian beer. so we get out and start playing xbox, and of course i finish way too much alcohol before we even start to play coherarently so i suck ass and get my ass handed to me time after time so i shut down the xbox and do a huge shot of straight vodka and tell everyone whats up. we're taking a 40 dollar cab ride to the most exciting bars, contining to get drunk, and acting like massive assholes.
of course, since i cant really backspace all that way or backtrack even, i left out the detial that i made my friends ex-girlfriend cry by telling her this MASSIVE fucking lie that he was fucking a 14 year old girl in this guys computer room. of course, i dont know any 14 year old girls, the guy im telling the lie about -- my friend of almost 20 years --- isnt even fucking there, but i tell her i havent seen him in about 30 minutes, he disappeared with this 14 year old girl and i think theyre fucking.
so she texts him, and he texts me. he says, stop texting [ex-gf name[ youre going to get me in trouble. so i tell her i was just kidding, and that he wasnt even with me at all tonight, theres no 14 year old girls around, and everything was good. so naturally, since theyve been broken up for almost a half a year, she tells me she cried when i told her this and that i was a bad person.
so my friends mom comes down into his basement and she says to me, i bet you would be pissed if someone texted your girlfreind that. so i viewed this as a CHALLENGE, so i texted my girlfriend telling her how sorry i was ,begging for her forgiveness, telling her i didnt realize that "this girl" was so young and i was drunk and didnt know what i was doing.
i showed my friends mom, ha. that fuck. she cant fucking mess with me.
so she starts reading this text conversation im having with my girlfriend, and she decides that she is going to call my girlfriend, who is out with her friends. so she calls my gf, and my gf thinks its this other girl. my gf also thinks i want to fuck this girl badly. i dont. so shes wrong on both accounts. how typical of a girl.
anyway so after my gf hangs up on tthis "girl", who is actually my friends mom and the mix up is because my girlfriend and her friends are absolutely retarded, dumb and just fucking stupid, she texts me and told me "i thought you were on a guys night', and i told her. im not retarded, it was [friends mom] not this girl she thought i wanted to fuck badly even thoiugh i dont wanna fuck her shes annoying and not even that cute.
anyway, so i stop texting my gf because im getting annoyed and we go to the first bar. its full of old people. we stay maybe 30 seconds before we get the fuck out, go to the atm at the hotel we were at and try to get money out of it using the spanish option. no one speaks spanish, but we were able to get 20 dollars out. so we go on to the next bar, it costs 6 dollars to get in and it sucks ass but theres 2 cute girls at hte table next to us. me, being the good friend i am, i offer to go try to talk to these girls nad bring them over to us.
but first i say, im not attractive and i have no people skills, so finish your fucking drinks first so if we have to leave immediately after i get back, we will get the fuck out.
so theyre slow to finish their drinks, and some guy approaches them obviously with more game than me, so i say, you know, fuck it. this place is full of fags, lets get the fuck out.s owe go to the most popular club around.
it costs 5 dollars to get. we get a drink and we're standing around, so i say i gotta piss like a fucking horse and i go and i piss. i get back and i cant find either of the guys i was with, so i go ahead and text them. theyre at a table. i eventually find them and sit down. and across from me are these 3 fairly hot cute girls. so im like, alright, im fucking bored. lets make this interesting.
so theyre like, what, etc, how. so i finish my drink and get up. i walk over to them. ive pretty much never done this before in my life, much less to a table of beautiful women.
i walk up to the one i find least attractive, of course, because i feel like this is the one if i can get throguh to her, i can bring her fucking hot slutty friends over too.
let me finish this sectino of the story off by telling you: i dont think im attractive, that i am suave, smart or have game. neither do girls. im white, very nerdy and pretty much the oopposite of what girls want. but, lets be honest, i think im fucking AWESOME regardless of what i am, which is the only mindset to have. i am the greatest human being alive and the ONLY person that matters in this entire fucking world, so fuck everyone else, you goddamn cockers. it doesnt matter what i am, the only thing that matter was these girls were alone, looking bored, and i was horny and drunk as fuck.
so, i walk over. i dont know what to expect. my friends are nervous, they think the girls are going to call over the bounces and get my ass kicked. i dont give a fuck. either way, i dont fucking care about anything. i want to have fun, and if getting my face beaten in my a 250 pound failed MMA figher is the way im going to have fun, im going to fucking have it.
so i walk up to the least attractive girl. i say
hey, im just here with a couple of friends and we notice you guys. we were wondering if you guys wanted to dance and maybe grab a couple of drinks.
so the girl, who is the least attractive but thats not saying mcuh because she was cute at the same time, she sayssssss, oh,
well, we're not up for dancing just yet, but we can use a coiuple of drinks.
not yet, but we could use a couple of drinks.
okay, like i said, im unattractive, boring and have no game. but i am NOT a fucking retarded fuck. i am not dumb in anyway. i refuse to admit it. i realize this instant i am getting played by this fucking piece of shit human being, she is using the fact that she is female to try and fucking get free drinks out of me and my friends for her friends. im not an idiot. i can see this. im not horny enough to spend 50 or so dollars on her friends to be left without even at least a tit.
so i say, alright, thats too bad, and i start to walk away.
and she taps my arm. and she says something. the mustic is loud, i cant hear.
i say, what.
and at this point, i am sure she changed her mind, and i am gonna see at least some boobs or maybe get a hj
but you were really polite, i like that.
and thats the last straw for me. i walk back to our table, i look at the boys and i say
fuck these stupid fucking whores. they said i was police. fuck them, lets get a new table. fuck this shit, lets get some more alcohol and fuck this ass. fuck this, i cant even take it anymore. so we went up, got another drink, then went and got some subway. i got a fucking awesome chicken bacon ranch and devoured it. then we got the cab home and i wrote this story.
theres no point, reason, or any fucking thing at all that i wrote this story. for. the fact is, its 330 ow, im fucking shit faced, been up for almost 24 hours, and just got shit on by 3 fairly cute girls.
also i made a girl cry.
and my girlfriend is mad at me for me telling her i fucked a 14 year old girl "by accident". but, let me clarify, i never did. i have never fucked a 14 year old girl in my life and never will. i made it up as a joke. a bad joke.
and finally, if you read the entire thing, you probably now realize that i am a bad person and when i wake up in the morning and read this thread, if i do, i will realize i am a bad person as well.
and know what i will do?
i will comntinue on being a bad person because fuck you all.
|BNet||Why are people so fucking loud in the library
HEY!!!! OH HEY I'M ON THE PHONE!!! WHATS THAT??? YOU NEED DIRECTIONS TO WHAT??!?!?!? OH HEY LET ME GET THEM UP HERE FOR YOU!?!? WHATS THAT? A FUNNY JOKE??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH LMFAOFMAOFMAOFMOAFMLAFMAO Go kill yourself.
|punisher2||Lol, because in the library your supposed to be quiet so naturally people are loud XDDD|
|BNet||This library isn't "supposed" to be quiet because nobody does shit to enforce peace and quiet. Everyone talks so fucking loudly. This one chick is fucking SCREAMING into the phone. Everyone around her is laughing at her behind her back.|
|mistero della mente||bnet adheres to the rules put in place for social and public locations such as the library. another is the cinema.|
|BNet||If I were slightly more obnoxious I'd pretend to answer my phone and be even louder, saying things like "HEY BUDDY. YEAH I'M ON THE PHONE WITH YOU. YEAH THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT BRO. YEAH. YEAH THAT'S COOL. OH YEAH? OH HEY NEAT." and just stare her right in the face as I talked.|
|Yellow Jr.||Hey karp
Can you teach me some Spanish
|magikarp||That's spanish for "I'm going to kick your ass".|
|magikarp||Nah but it means "No" in spanish and english. You're welcome, asshole.|
|atresac||josh (10:17:33 PM): i just love
josh (10:17:36 PM): with
josh (10:18:03 PM): a one in115 TRILLION chance of getting all the same pokemon
josh (10:18:03 PM): is
josh (10:18:07 PM): 10,000 points
josh (10:18:17 PM): it's like
josh (10:18:36 PM): you slap your dick on the keyboard
josh (10:18:40 PM): and it writes
josh (10:18:42 PM): the bible
josh (10:18:45 PM): and you win like
josh (10:18:50 PM): 1,000 dollars
josh (10:19:02 PM): "eh not bad"
|mistero della mente||they've brought out a new pokeball for karp; it has bait inside to lure the pokemon in|
|~dr_dude love~||I bet all they trainers will have a karp!|
|mistero della mente||stay in your posts.|
|~dr_dude love~||you fucking suck.|
|magikarp||so i was watching British Asian pornstar hannah shaw
And i was about to bust and for some reason I always try to fuck myself over like idk why so right before i bust i put misteros face on her body while she's talking in her British accent and if you're in that zone where you're about to bust nd stop you can't really just restart ya know winners don't quit so I just had to stroke it fast as fuck ya know and man it felt like i was gonna have a goddamn heart attack like i think when i came i met jesus
|Punisher2||The one bad quality about this place is
my mom before i came told me to make sure i say thank you for things and so i have been like when my aunt makes me food or something.
But see yesterday she woke me up at 9 am after i stayed up late to give me breakfast, when i couldve just woke up later and then ate before doing whatever i had to do for the day.
I was tired all day because of that which is funny because she said that she wouldn't chase me around about wut to eat and wutnot because im a grown man i can make stuff for myself etc'
im with that though i dont always need a cooked meal when i wake up, i can eat cereal too.
|L9||mention to her the night before that you might go to bed kinda late so you're gonna sleep in|
|atresac||AP European History Exam friday
it goes until 3:30
|Grecian||who wants to know about european history|
|atresac||mistero should help me cheat.|
|BNet||mistero lives in england not europe|
|Grecian||but i mean
|BNet||europe is a COMPLETELY different country|
|atresac||Yeah, isn't Europe part of Africa?|
|atresac||the western part but still.|
|Grecian||its pretty much like the USA and Mexico though. They're attached so they must be the same.
I'm not speaking from experience though I haven't been to the USA too often but from what I gather
|atresac||What? I thought you were in Nova Scotia? Isn't that in Detroit?|
|Grecian||its a suburb just outside of Detroit. Its a pretty nice continent.|
|BNet||well europe is technically a colony of africa, but i won't get into that.
grecian, the difference between europe and england is more like the difference between North America and Laos.
|Grecian||i know a guy who went to england and said it was EXACTLY like laos.|
|BNet||that's impossible. laos is all the way over in russia. culturally they're somewhat like portugal but NOTHING like england.|
|Grecian||thats just what he said man i always thought england was a bit more like Nigeria, Coasta Rico|
|BNet||kind of a mix of both, but i digress.
anyway, sac, i'll help you study.
|Grecian||we can quiz him right now.
whats was the population in france in 1883?
|BNet||people didn't live in france until 1920 during the great French Settlement of northern indonesia.|
|Grecian||that seems like it might be really inaccurate but im really too dumb to realize if youre telling the truth or not :(|
|BNet||France was settled by North Indonesians in 1920s.. that was basically the trigger for WWii...|
these quotes stink
|atresac||my submission for an assignment which requires a day in the life of a six year old
7:00 AM: Wake up.
7:02 AM: Get out of bed.
7:05 AM: 100 one-armed push-ups.
7:05:30 AM: Grab child-safe scissors.
7:07 AM: Kill deer and use pelt for today's clothes with scissors.
7:10 AM: Begin climb to the peak of Mt. Doomdeath.
7:30 AM: Confront ancient dragon who is the physical manifestation of evil.
7:32 AM: Slay dragon with scissors.
7:35 AM: Carve open dragon to recieve breakfast:
1-gross egg and cheese omelette
2 pounds of bacon
18 sausage links
5 gallons sugar-free maple syrup
7:45 AM: Walk to River Styx.
7:55 AM: Find smooth river rock.
8:00 AM: Shave with river rock.
8:15 AM: Take Cerberus out for a walk.
8:30 AM: Return home.
8:50 AM: Bow before father.
9:00 AM: Finish bowing to father, ask for proper clothing.
9:15 AM: Finish clothing.
9:30 AM: Ride pet utahraptor Yoshi to work.
10:00 AM: Punch in for job at razorblade mines.
11:17 AM: Accident in mines results in co-worker becoming sliced to ribbons.
11:17:15 AM: Say "Razor? I barely know 'er!"
11:17:30 AM: Pat self on back for that one.
11:20 AM: Shave again.
1:00 PM: Lunch break:
13 Big Macs
1 Whopper Jr.
1 Diet Coke w/ 4 ice BIG MAC cubes
1:30 PM: Use toilet.
2:00 PM: 800 1-finger, one-legged pushups.
3:45 PM: Finish toilet.
4:00 PM: Nap time.
4:30 PM: Snack time:
1 pudding cup and 1 banana
Ballanced on top of entire acre of livestock. That is also the snack.
5:00 PM: Return home on motorcycle you built out of razorblades from the mine.
5:30 PM: After relaxing from work, use black-magic ritual to revive dragon.
5:40 PM: Slay dragon again.
6:00 PM: Dinner:
12 oz steak (rare)
7 oz garlic mashed potatoes
6:30 PM: Hannah Montanna.
7:00 PM: 500 tongue pullups.
7:15 PM: Shower in sulfuric acid.
7:30 PM: Brush teeth with chainsaw.
7:40 PM: Pray enemies get cancer.
7:45 PM: Get tucked in.
7:46 PM: Story time (Green Eggs and Ham).
7:50 PM: Lullaby (Fist-Magnet Face II: Electromagnetic Boogaloo)
8:00 PM: Sleep.
12:00 AM: Dream of killing father with bare hands.
so the stabbing pain is called angina pectoris
and bnet i think i once told you i got it too sometimes.
now i'm reading that it's not normal to get in youth, though as far as I know i was never born with any heart defects.
should I ask my parents about this?
|Past||in the heart area right? i get that sometimes feels like a icepick stabbing away at random|
|L9||just a word of advice past: if ever the stabbing sensation accompanies the feeling of your wallet being taken, you're probably being robbed.|
|Grecian||on the subject of kim kardashian
whether you like her face or not you'd still do her because she has a great body and is probably better in bed than any girl you'll ever be with so i dont believe any of you who say you wouldnt.
if you're going to have a thread like that then at least have someone who is not a no contest like jessica biel or something.
|BNet||grecian, i wouldn't even touch her and i mean that with complete honesty.|
|Grecian||you're biased because she's a slutty dumb celebrity. which is understandable.
but i mean, in an alternate reality where she was not a celebrity, just a normal girl, you knew her and she was into you, and she looked exactly the way she does now.
you still wouldnt?
|BNet||i'm just not attracted to her, sorry|
|Grecian||oh i get it. and i mean, fair enough.
what about george clooney?
|Grecian||the faggot show
i feel a strong connection to ronnie like we might be related.
on the other hand these people have a lot of fun doing stupid shit and its pretty funny/sad/i wanna bury my face between jwow's breasts and suffocate in her cleavage.
|BNet||you fucking suck.|
|Grecian||have you ever watched it|
|BNet||before you pull the "how can you criticize it if you never watched it!!!!!," let me just ask you this.
have you ever gone to a razorblade mine and stuck every single razorblade up your asshole until the end of time? also, eat some of them?
no, because you know it will be an unpleasant experience already.
|Past||I am dumb and stupid and gay|
|atresac||bnet when the FUCK are you going to STREAM some GODDAMN zelDA|
|BNet||probably not tonight|
|atresac||I'm going to rip out your mouth.|
|BNet||"uhhh... yeah it is" LMAO|
|atresac||"yeah it is"|
|Kazuya Mishima||lol "yeah it is"|
|BNet||shut up kaz|
|atresac||hey karp, you should talk to my good man bnet about watching friends together!
i hear he's a real big fan of hit sitcom friends!
|L9||i hear hes a big fan of queer eye for the straight guy|
|magikarp||who isn't though|
|xXmikeDusXx||I have troubles with forum
I'm trying to open forum but sometimes there are no images on it :(
|mistero della mente||invert your computer's polaric beam|
|BNet||run into your computer monitor at full speed.|
|Punisher2||Open up your harddrive and put a fork in it|
|Past||unknown how about instead of saying shit make something! design a website, design a game, something that proves you know anything of what you act like you know. You have been talking for years but have never done anything , you dont know shit im convinced.|
|~!unknown1337i~||I actually founded Apple. What have you done with your life?|
|Past||you think finding a apple is productive?|
|magikarp||Me, magikarp always has sex with men|
|Amir25atw||LOL WHAT A FUCKING FAGGOT|
|magikarp||Why the fuck did bnet have to turn this one right then?|
Yesterday I went to taco bell and now my asshole hurts from shitting.
You've heard that one before, right?
But not like this.
While at Taco Bell, I figured I take a spork for the basketball game. idk why. And then I was like "Oh, Hell, why not take two?"
So I did. And sat down. Then I had the urge to take some more. So I did. And some more. It's like I couldn't stop taking sporks. I had 56 by the time I got done, (they're free so I guess technically it wouldn't be stealing but I don't know).
So I walked out, with my pockets bulging with spork goodness, and walked all the way to the game.
So I got to the game, and before I took out the sporks, some chick actually asked me if "anyone up there had a spork because she was eating taco bell
Pun and xjt has heard me say whhhaaaaAAAATTTT?? before.
Well I was like yyeeESSSSS!?!?!
~~Lol, the whole time my best friend (one of those nutcase marijuana buddies that are with you till the end I'm sure some people here know what I'm talking about) had a burrito with a mexican (I didn't capitalize mexican on purpose) face drawn on it, with a wide open mouth and a BNer mustache. It also had a turban on him made out of the wrapper.
We named him Buelo Rodriguez.~~
So. I gave her a spork.
Everyone had a good laugh.
But I felt like THE MAN!
Here is a par
Alright so unwrapped all 56 sporks (this takes a fucking lifetime)and then shouted at the top of my lungs during the National Anthem "FROM NOW ON LET'S ALL CALL OUR SPERM PENIS PULP!!!!!!"
Just kidding. But you better believe I fucking unrapped every damn one.
Then I gave them out to people and everyone started chewing on them. That's like 30 people chewing on sporks.
MEANWHILE, the star player on the other teams last name was Kyle Wehner.
It was even tattoo'd on his arm.
Lol everytime they took him out some loudmouth would ALWAYS scream "HAHHAHAHA LOOK THEY PULLED WEINER OUT HAHA WHEN ARE THEY GONNA THRUST HIM BACK IN??!!?!?!"
That guy didn't shut the fuck up the ENTIRE FUCKING GAME.
Actually, everyone ended up screaming "HAHA ITS WEINER LAWL!!!"
Anywaysssss we all chewed the fuck out of the sporks.
But I accidentally swallowed a punch of pointy plastic.
"a bunch of pointy plastic"
"swollowed a shitload of sharp plastic"
And I mean a fucking bunch.
So as you see, time came later on 30 minutes ago to shit yesterdays eaten food out.
Well, yesterdays eaten food contained: Hot Fries, Lettuce, Tomato, Cheerios, and....oh yea A SHITLOAD OF PLASTIC KILLING SPIKES.
And long story long, it made my most recent shit a living hell.
I hope the burning in my ass stops soon.
And that the swelling goes down.
And the bleeding stops.
And that the scars heal.
|L9||What in the hell.|
|BNet||I really do enjoy your stories.
When that chick asked it anyone had a spork though you should have been like RAI!!!!!!!!!!!! and thrown all 50 sporks at her face at once
|amir25atw||lmfao that woulda been fukking hilarious i just stopped laughing at that|